


dysfunctionalities

by petemikey



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M, basically patrick owns a coffee store and everyone is hella gay, brendon likes to annoy everyone, coffeeshop! au ayy, gerard is a nerd, gratuitous use of the work fuck, so does gabe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 23:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2169648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petemikey/pseuds/petemikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's times like these when Frank is glad that he works at a coffee shop owned and run by gay males.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dysfunctionalities

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta, so any mistakes are mine! It would be rad if you could point out any errors you find.
> 
> big thanks to mikey, for cheerleading x

It’s half six when Frank gets into the coffee shop where he works. It’s bitterly cold outside, and still dark and as soon as he opens the door he’s greeted by a rush of warm air and the sweet smell of cinnamon and coffee.

He can see a black fedora poking out from under the counter, and he knows its Patrick, filling up the sacks of coffee beans like he does every morning.

Patrick owns the place, and he’s a relatively cool guy. He’s short as hell, (Frank can’t judge him because he’s under five and a half feet tall himself.) likes to listen to old soul music and accepted Frank without him even having a proper resume, which Frank is eternally grateful for.

He’s also going out with Pete Wentz, who is literally the human version of ADD. He’s a badass bassist though, and an amazing lyricist, so Frank does have respect for him. (When he’s not bouncing around the store, messing up tables and trying to get Patrick to kiss him.)

“Morning Frank.” Patrick mumbles, looking up from under the counter and pushing his glasses up his nose. He turns around and goes back into the store room, grabbing more coffee syrup. ‘ _But seriously, why do you need cane sugar flavoured syrup when you can actually add sugar??’_ he thinks, but Frank brushes it out of his mind because he’s still half asleep, and he has to work.

“Morning, Stump.” Frank replies, grinning and taking off his hoodie. Patrick just rolls his eyes and tries to be functional and carries on setting up the shop.

Frank’s just about to grab his apron when the door opens, and he’s graced by the overly loud voice of _Brendon fucking Urie._

“Frank, HI! Also, hi Patrick!” Brendon grins, taking off his jacket and throwing it over a chair. Frank loves Brendon to pieces (even though he’ll never, _ever_ admit it.) but its _6:35am_ and Frank just isn’t ready for this yet.

“Brendon, please.” Winces the shorter man, starting up some of the machines and wiping them down.

“What crawled up your ass and died?” asks Brendon, raising his eyebrows, and tying his apron around his waist.

“Nothing. What crawled up yours?”  You see, the thing is _Frank isn’t actually expecting an answer._

“Dallon.” Brendon smirks at him, sauntering off to the door to get the baked goods from the delivery man. Frank’s just left there, opening and closing his mouth in surprise.

Today is off to a strange start.

“Hey Patrick!” yells Frank as he puts the muffins on their stand.

“What?” Patrick asks, flipping the ‘closed’ sign to ‘open’.

“Brendon and Dallon got their shit together.”

“Uh huh.”  Brendon says, and of fucking _course_ he has to come back at that exact moment. _Fuck him and his perfect timing_ thinks Frank.

“Nice. I was getting tired of you pining. So was Pete.” Patrick laughs at him, and Brendon starts to blush.

“What? Pete knew?” asks Frank, making himself a coffee and leaning on the counter as they wait for their (usually) steady flow of customers to start coming in.

“Yeah, of course. Brendon kept on sending him angsty texts about Dallon giving him mixed signals and not knowing what to do. Pete kept on reading them to me. We’d be watching tv and ‘Pete, I’m not sure…’”

“Patrick, shut _up._ ” Yelps Brendon, running over to try and cover his mouth. Patrick just swats him away, and smiles at the customer who’s just come through the door.

“Brendon for the record, the next time I’m ever slightly involved in a relationship with someone, you’re not allowed to give me any trouble whatsoever.” Brendon just stares at him and starts to work on the guy’s drink.

Nothing interesting happens in the two hours following that incident. Pete comes in for a while, but that’s normal and the constant stream of customers wasn’t particularly interesting until _he_ came in.

‘He’ as in the guy with the firetruck red hair and the nice ass. As soon as he came in Frank rushed over to the counter (he’s not even going to bother denying it) and tried to worm his way inbetween Brendon and the till so he could serve him.

“Hey what can I get you?” Frank grins. The guy opens his mouth and then closes it again, looking up at the chalk board menu.

“Uh, could I get a pumpkin spice latte? Large please, thanks.” And ‘ _Oh my god’_ thinks Frank, as he nods at the guy and yells the order over to Brendon. The redhead spoke through the left side of his mouth and he had these tiny fucking teeth and these _eyes_ and it was then that Frank knew that he was seriously fucked.

So, so fucked.

“That’ll be two dollars fifty.” Frank tells him. The guy fishes into his bag and grabs an old, ratty wallet with a few credit cards, a ten dollar bill and his driver’s licence.

Frank knows that he lingers too long when taking the money, because the other guy starts to blush, and he trips over his feet when he’s walking over to the collection area. ‘ _God fucking damn it’_ he thinks. Why does he always have to be attracted to men way out of his league?

He can see Brendon smirking at him out of the corner of his eye, and Frank just tries to ignore him and do his job properly without blushing too much and fucking up the orders.

“Got a little crush Frankie?” asks Patrick, walking past him and taking a sip of his coffee. Frank can’t even say anything, so he just does this awkward shrug thing and blushes even harder. What makes it worse is that the guy in the corner drawing is now staring straight at the two, so when Frank looks up he immediately gains eye contact with him, which makes him blush even harder, and then he spills scalding milk on his hand, and the guy just fucking _giggles_ at Frank and then goes back to his work.

By this time, Frank is fully aware that the guy (he should probably learn his name.) most likely thinks he’s a fucking idiot. A male, adult idiot that works in a coffee shop.

He’s so out of it for the next hour, and he doesn’t even realise when Mikey comes in.

He suddenly snaps out of it when _Mikey_ goes up to the _guy_ and then ‘ _What if this is a date? What if they’re going out? Since when was Mikey going out with anyone.’_ Thinks Frank, and his heart drops because they go in to hug each other, and they’re definitely going out and Frank chokes a bit and ‘ _What the_ _fuck Frank? You don’t even know the guy.’_

Then Mikey comes up and Frank just looks down at the coffee machine, because he knows Mikey’s order, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

“I didn’t know you were going out with anyone.” Frank mumbles whilst giving Mikey his drink.

“What? Gerard? Oh my god Frank, Gerard’s my brother. I’m not fucking going out with him, Jesus _Christ._ Why do you care anyway?” The butterflies in Frank’s stomach that he didn’t even know he had suddenly disappear and he just blushes some more and runs his hands through his hair.

“I don’t know. I just though, y’know..” Frank trails off and Mikey actually grins. _Grins._

“You like him don’t you? Oh my god Frank you have a crush on my brother, oh my _god._ ” Mikey takes a sip of his coffee, even though it’s still too fucking hot to drink and _fuckfuckfuckingfuckfuck_ Gerard comes up, and Frank just wants to apparate (yes, like the shit in fucking Harry Potter) away and into his bed.

So, Frank being the person he is decides that grabbing Brendon is a good idea, and will result in him being able to escape this situation. (Which it does, but at a cost.)

“Brendon, can you help? Yeah, thanks, I just need to um, do something.” And then he runs off to the storeroom and leaves Brendon and Mikey snickering at him.

Frank’s there alone, pacing and reassuring himself by talking indirectly to the sacks of coffee beans and various coffee shop paraphernalia. He isn’t sure what he’s reassuring himself of exactly, but it makes him feel better about completely embarrassing himself.

Twenty minutes later, Patrick is ushering him out. Mikey had left, but Gerard’s still in the corner, drawing and drinking coffee and he gives Frank a little wave as he comes back from his meltdown and Frank waves and starts to tend to the quickly growing queue of people. Frank notices that Gabe had come in as well, who was now threatening to squirt whipped cream over Brendon’s hair.

Twenty minutes and only two mistakes later, Frank could breathe again. Most of the cookies and cupcakes were gone, but he was eyeing a red velvet one to take home with him after his shift ended. Brendon was cleaning tables, and much to his disappointment, Gerard was getting up to leave. Frank was getting ready to leave as well, so he went over to hang up his apron up and get to the door at the same time as Gerard.

They were crossing paths when Gerard stopped and whispered “Bye Frank.” Into his ear, and then grinned before pushing the door open and going on his own way without looking back and _what the fuck??_

Frank isn’t completely sure if that’s normal Gerard behaviour or if he’s leading him on, but Frank likes to think it’s the latter.

“Bye guys.” He mumbles and walks out of the door and almost into the road. He concludes that it’s not normal to be so attached to someone he doesn’t even know, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking about Gerard, and Gerard’s face and his goddamn _ass_ when he jerks off that night.

-

Frank’s shift doesn’t start until twelve the next day, so when he gets in, Gerard is already there.

“Hi Frank!” yells Gabe from behind the counter. Him and Brendon are talking (gossiping) probably about Ryan Ross, because even though he denies it, Brendon is still pissed at him for cheating on him.

“Hi babe!” Frank winks, and Pete catcalls whilst trying to grab Patrick’s fedora. (His attempts are futile, as Pete can barely get his arms near to Patrick’s head. Again, midget man.)

Gerard looks up and smiles and Frank just wants to scream, but he doesn’t so instead he smiles back and starts helping out with the rest of the guys behind the counter.

“So, who’s the hottie over there Frank?” asks Gabe, punching Frank in the side as he hands a customer their latte.

“His name is Gerard. He’s Mikey’s brother.” Frank tells him (choosing to leave out ‘perfect’, ‘adorable’ and ‘would probably turn me straight even though I’m hella gay’), cleaning out a container and putting back the soy milk because someone (Gabriel Saporta) constantly mixes around the soy milk, skimmed milk and full fat milk even though ‘ _Gabe I have told you this a million times before. Stop mixing around the milk’._

“Frank almost had a breakdown yesterday because he thought the Gerard and Mikey were going out.” Brendon tells him. Frank rolls his eyes and carries on working, trying his best to ignore them. He honestly doesn’t know why Patrick hired Gabe. All he does is mix up the different types of milk, talk about Alex and Nate, and gossip about other gay men, namely Brendon’s exes.

“Frank _did_ have a breakdown.” Patrick tells him, smirking and trying to usher Pete out of the store.

“It depends what you constitute as a breakdown though.” Frank tries to stick up for himself as Gabe raises an eyebrow and Brendon sighs deeply, and it’s obvious Frank isn’t going to win this one.

“Frank, you were pacing in the store room for twenty minutes talking to _sacks of coffee beans_ and oh _shit._ ” Patrick then realises that Gerard is literally staring straight at them, and he’s probably heard everything and Frank is going to kill them all with his guitar.

Gabe, Brendon and Frank all realise at the same time, and they just turn to inconspicuously stare at Gerard, who turns to look back at his drawing and Frank can swear he can see some form of a grin.

Frank grabs Patrick and makes sobbing noises into the crook of his neck, leaving Patrick to awkwardly pat his head.

Gabe is making these choking noises whilst trying not to laugh and Frank really just wants to go ‘fuck you all’ and walk out but obviously he can’t, so he settles with muttering ‘assholes’ under his breath. He’s just glad that the exchange had finished by the time Mikey had come in for his coffee.

“Are you still pining?” he asks in a bored voice, Frank handing over his drink.

“Yes.” Gabe tells him.

“No. I’m not pining for your fucking brother.”

“Oh you’re not? Because he’s pining for you.”

“Wait what?”

“I’ll bet you money that he’ll leave, and you’ll find a picture of you with his number over there.” Mikey tells him and hands him over the money, and Frank’s heart drops a little bit.

“Why is that what he does to everyone?” he asks wearily, wiping his forehead.

“No, that’s what he told me he was going to do.”

And then Mikey goes, leaving Frank with his smug little smile, wondering how long he should wait that night until he texts Gerard.

-

Mikey’s right.

Gerard leaves a few hours later and sure enough, Frank finds a really cool picture of him, Tim Burton style with ‘call me’ and Gerard’s number in the bottom left hand corner. He slips it into his pocket before anyone can see. He says bye to everyone and grabs his phone out from his coat pocket as he leaves the shop.

 _Frank:_ hey its frank x

He has to wait a few minutes before he gets a reply.

 _Gerard:_ oh hey frank. did u like the drawing? ;) x

Frank pulls it out of his pocket, and just stares at it for a few moments.

 _Frank:_ oh my god man, its fucking amazing. Where did u learn 2 draw like that?

 _Gerard:_ I went to sva :) you should come over sometime, ive got more stuff @ home

Frank isn’t sure if that’s a date proposition or not, but he takes it as one nonetheless.

 _Frank:_ im free tonight ;)

 _Gerard:_ oh really :P

 _Frank:_ u gonna invite me or are u just gonna leave me hanging?

 _Gerard:_ 12 Hudson Street, u know whr?

 _Frank:_ yeah I’ll be there in 30 mins

 _Gerard:_ cool :)

And Frank just grins because he has a _date_ with _Gerard_ and this just made his day. He decides to text Brendon, because this is the one time that’s he’s able to boast about his relationship status. Brendon just tells him to piss off, which better than nothing, but Frank doesn’t take it personally.

By the time he gets home he has ten minutes to let his dog out and get changed, and he doesn’t have time to shower, so Frank just hopes Gerard likes the smell of coffee. He’s never been one for being particularly interested in what he wears (unless Brendon is there, and he still doesn’t care, but Brendon chooses what he wears because his usual choices are ‘boring’ and ‘scruffy’) so he just throws on jeans and the first t shirt he finds (The Smiths), grabs his keys and heads out. He realises that his hair is a mess and yeah, that’s normal because it’s practically shoulder length, and by the time he’s finished over thinking his appearance he realises that he’s about to walk past Gerard’s house, and then he pretends not to realise he’s just seen Gerard looking out of his window.

Frank knocks on his door and (unsurprisingly) Gerard opens the door immediately.

“Hey Frank.” Gerard grins at him, and then _Frank_ grins at him (Gerard Way’s smile is infectious) and waves and then Gerard tells him to come in, and Frank can’t believe he’s actually in the house of the guy in the coffee shop he was crushing on.

“Hey. Sorry if I uh, smell of coffee. I didn’t have time to shower when I got home.” Frank tells him, hiding behind his hair.

“If you smell of coffee it’s fine, seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised if my blood has some sort of coffee compound in it to be honest.” Gerard laughs as he closes the door.

“You’re a coffee fan then?” asks Frank raising and eyebrow and Gerard blushes.

“Mikey says I’m obsessed and I don’t exactly disagree? He is as well though. It got us through our teenage years. Oh yeah, is pizza ok? I was going to get some for tonight.” He is such a _dork_ thinks Frank, going on about his coffee obsession.

“Dude it’s fine. I’m a vegetarian though.” Frank tells him, and Gerard nods slowly as if in realisation.

“Oh right, yeah, Mikey told me that I think? I don’t know, he just said one of his friends was a vegetarian, so I’m guessing it was you. Mikey doesn’t have enough friends that more than one could be a vegetarian.”

“That’s mean.” And Frank punches him lightly in the side.

“He’s my younger brother. I’m allowed to be mean to him.” Frank shrugs, and they carry on talking.

“So, what kind of art do you do?” Frank asks him, and Gerard grins and starts talking animatedly, his hands moving around and Frank can tell that he’s talking about something he loves.

“Well, I practically majored in comic book art at SVA, which is cool. I did Umbrella Academy, and Killjoys. If you’ve ever heard of those two?” and Franks jaw drops, because he _loves_ Umbrella.

“Dude, you did Umbrella? That’s so rad; I love that comic so much.” Gerard looks proud of himself and just waves his hand around kind of gesturing for them to go to his living room.

“One sec.” and Gerard picks up his phone and dials up the pizza place, orders and then hangs up. By the time he’s done, Frank is over by the TV, crouching down and looking at all of Gerard’s movies on the shelf, his Jack-o-lantern tattoo peeking out by his neck and by his hips and Gerard isn’t going to deny it, it’s really hot.

“I can’t believe you have all of the originals of these movies,” Frank turns his head and looks up, grinning as he picks up Night of The Living Dead. “when I’ve gone on dates with other people, they only have two thousands remakes at best.” And Gerard wasn’t completely sure that this was a date, but he’s not going to complain.

“You wanna watch it?” Gerard knows Frank’s going to say yes, so it’s a moot point anyway.

“Fuck yes.” And he hands Gerard the DVD case and goes to sit on the couch.

They’ve both watched the movie so many times they practically know the words off by heart, so when the pizza comes, they’re mainly just talking about themselves.

“What’s your story, Frank?” Gerard asks, tilting his head as he crosses his legs on the couch and grabs his last slice of pizza.

“I’m really not that interesting to be honest. I grew up in Belleville, and I went Queen of Peace, the Catholic school, you know the one? I met Pete a few years ago at some music store, and then Pete introduced me Patrick who offered me a job at the coffee store. I’ve played in a few bands as well, rhythm guitar, but I’ve sung for a few. That’s about it really, nowhere near as cool as being an acclaimed comic book artist.” Frank winks and takes a sip of his water.

“How did you meet Mikey? He’s not known for being the most social person in the world, and you two seem like pretty good friends.” And Frank laughs and runs a hand through his hair, and Gerard thinks he’s really, _really_ attractive, and he wouldn’t mind kissing him.

“Mikey? Wow, when did I meet him. God, I think it might have been at a Comic Store a few years back? I think we were fighting over who got the last copy of Wonder Woman..” Frank trails off, watching Gerard, who just smiles at him and calmly proceeds to lean in and kiss him.

Gerard can feel Frank smiling on the receiving end, and Frank feels like screaming, because this is what he’d been thinking of since yesterday. Frank tilts his head to the side and throws his arm around Gerard and pulls him closer.

When they stop, they’re both panting and Gerard bites his lip and Frank has this massive smile plastered over his face.

“You are a fucking dork, Gerard Way.” And Frank kisses him on the side of his mouth, missing on purpose and Gerard lets out a quiet whine.

“I wanted you to kiss me.” He pouts and stares at Frank with the same puppy dog eyes that Mikey uses when he wants a free coffee.

For the record, it works every time.

“Fucking hell, you Ways and your puppy dog eyes, goddamn.” And Frank sighs and kisses Gerard again.

“Mikey uses it to get coffee doesn’t he?” asks Gerard afterwards, and Frank nods, laying on Gerard’s stomach as the taller man turns the TV on.

“You smell really nice by the way,” Frank announces, grabbing a handful of Gerard’s shirt at sticking his face into his stomach and inhaling. “like, coffee and cigarettes but with feint trace of hair dye and something thing else.”

“Do you usually smell people on the first date, or is that just me?” Gerard asks wryly.

“Nah, don’t worry yourself. You’re the exception.” Frank tells him, and Gerard gives him a lazy smile.

“You should go out with me.” Says Gerard, yawning, and changing the channel.

“Just like that? You’ve only known me for a day. How do I know you’re not a fraud or going to steal my dog?” Frank moves around and gets more comfortable, so now Gerard’s chin is resting on the top of his head.

“I promise I won’t steal your dog.” Swears Gerard, giving his pinkie to Frank, hooking it loosely around his baby finger. That pinkie is promising more than the fact that Gerard won’t steal Frank’s dog, and they both know it.

“Okay then, _boyfriend._ ” Frank raises an eyebrow as Gerard traces the tattoos on his hand lightly.

“How many tattoos do you have?” he asks moving up along his arm and stopping at the sleeve of his shirt.

“I’m not even sure anymore. I’ve got them everywhere above my waist. I’m still surprised Patrick gave me the job, to be honest. Neck tattoos weren’t the smartest thing to do in hindsight. ” Frank yawns and throws a hand over the side of the couch.

“I don’t know Frank, they’re pretty hot.” Frank tips his head back and Gerard kisses his forehead.

“Ya think?” Frank laughs and Gerard just goes ‘mmhmm’ and flips around the channels again.

“Next Top Model?” asks Gerard

“Yes. I need to get my daily Tyra Banks intake, let’s fucking watch it.” Frank turns onto his side and puts his arm around Gerard, and strokes his hair. (Surprisingly, it’s actually pretty soft. Who’d  have thought?)

“I’m going to be honest here Frank, I would never have pinned you to be the type of person to be into Next Top Model, or Tyra Banks in fact.” Gerard tells him, and you can hear his quiet laugh over the TV.

“Excuse me? Just because I look like some kind of hard core motherfucker who can fuck shit up doesn’t mean I can’t be into models and shit.” Frank says to him defiantly, trying to grip on his last bits of masculinity.

“Frank.” Gerard says with a completely straight face.

“What?” asks Frank, crossing his arms

“Are you even five foot five?”

“Fuck off.”

“You aren’t are you?”

“For your information I am five foot four and a half inches tall and more hardcore than you could ever be.”

“I resent that. You should see pictures of me from like, six years ago.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

They slip into a comfortable silence, and around fifteen minutes after their conversation, Gerard can hear quiet snoring, and he realises that Frank’s fallen asleep on him, and wrapped his hands around his waist.

 _‘Fucking dork. Calls himself hardcore?’_ thinks Gerard, patting his head fondly, and not making any move to get up. He soon realises that he’s actually quite comfortable (and that it’s fast approaching two am) so he grabs the blanket that stays on the arm of his couch, lays it on top of him and Frank, and copies Frank, in going to sleep.

-

They both wake up at the same time the next morning, look at each other, and then laugh.

“I shouldn’t be laughing, oh my god Gerard I fell asleep on top of you didn’t I? Fuck I’m so sorry, why didn’t you kick me off?” Frank looks genuinely concerned, which just make Gerard laugh more because it’s _fine._ (Also, why the fuck would he complain about some hot guy sleeping on top of him on his couch?)

“Seriously it’s fine. You’re cute and sleep like a small dog with these tiny little snores every so often.” Gerard smothers a yawn as he grabs his coffee mug from the counter and takes a sip.

“So, does this count as sleeping together?” Frank asks, sitting on Gerard’s counter.

-

“Hi everyone I’m going out with Gerard!” yells Frank as he and said boyfriend walk into the store half an hour later. Everyone suddenly stops what they’re doing and Gabe drops the blueberry muffin that he was eating onto the floor whilst Brendon moves his head back, and makes some movement with those big ass lips of his.

“Gabe you dropped your muffin.” Mikey tells him, seemingly oblivious to Gerard and Frank’s entrance.

“Are you not going to congratulate your best friend and brother, Mikey? I’m upset.” Frank throws a hand over his heart in mock hurt, and Gerard is just standing next to him rolling his eyes, his demeanour shouting ‘what the fuck have I gotten myself into?’.

“Congratulations, shitheads. Is that ok?” Mikey looks so done, leaning back on his chair holding his coffee to his chest. By chest he really means heart. ‘ _It’s probably warming up his compassionless soul’_ thinks Frank as he takes off his jacket.

“Did you sleep together?” asks a grinning Pete.

“Pete, stop.” Pete’s not going to listen to Patrick, and everyone knows it.

“I don’t know if it counts, but I fell asleep on top of Gerard and then he didn’t move me, so he went to sleep on the couch underneath me.” Frank told them all.

“Fucking hell Frank, that’s not how you’re meant to do it.” Gabe mutters, his head in his hands in shame. Frank shrugs, because _whatever,_ Gabe didn’t pick up the hot guy at the coffee shop like he did.

“HA. When was the last you got laid, _Gabriel_?” Frank asks, crossing his arms across his chest and staring at him.

“Yeah Gabe.” Brendon includes himself and it seems like everyone is on Frank’s side, until Patrick makes them aware that they actually have to work, rather than diss each other about their sex lifes.

“Me and Mikey don’t work here. We can still diss you guys.” Gerard tells them, and Gabe turns around with this look that could probably kill someone.

“Do you think that puts me off? That’s pretty much Mikey’s only facial expression.” Gerard smirks and Mikey just nods because it’s true, that _is_ for the most part his only facial expression. Mikey rolls his eyes and everyone carries on working, slipping each other glares every few minutes.

“Do you want a coffee, Gee?” asks Frank, and Gerard really, really likes that nickname.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated. You can also follow my Tumblr: sassgerard.tumblr.com


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